Making friends as an adult feels like one of those life skills that should come naturally, like riding a bike. But somehow, for many of us, forming new connections can be just as wobbly and intimidating as trying to get back on two wheels after years of not practicing. If you’ve been struggling to build friendships, you’re not alone. And no, it’s not because you’re inherently unlovable, awkward, or “just bad at people.” Chances are, you’re dealing with one (or many!) of the common friendship blockers listed below.

But the good news? You can absolutely do something about it. Let's break down these stumbling blocks and how you can knock them out of your way.

1. Fear of Rejection

Ah, the overwhelming horror of, “What if I put myself out there and they don’t like me?” Fear of rejection is one of the biggest reasons people hold back when it comes to making friends. It’s human nature to avoid situations where we might feel embarrassed or unwanted, but this fear can keep you from taking the first step to get to know someone.

What You Can Do:

Flip the script. Instead of focusing on whether someone will like you, focus on whether you like them. Did they make you laugh? Were they kind? Shifting the focus will take some of the pressure off. And remember, you don’t need everyone to like you. All it takes is that one person to click with.

2. Lack of Confidence

Walking up to someone new and striking up a conversation...sounds simple, right? But lack of confidence can turn this seemingly easy task into a nerve-wracking ordeal. Maybe you feel you’re not interesting enough, or you’re worried you don’t have anything to say. Both lead to hesitating or avoiding social situations entirely.

What You Can Do:

Fake it. Seriously. Confidence often comes after the action, not before. Try practicing small incremental steps like making eye contact and saying hello to strangers at the grocery store. Also, remind yourself that most people are too busy worrying about how they come across to judge you harshly.

3. Poor Communication Skills

Friendship relies heavily on the ability to communicate. If you’re not great at expressing yourself, asking questions, or listening actively, it can feel like you’re hitting a wall every time you try to connect with someone. Conversations might feel shallow, awkward, or just plain unsatisfying.

What You Can Do:

Focus on listening. Seriously, it’s half the battle of good communication. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been keeping you busy lately?” and show genuine interest in their response. You don’t have to be a great conversationalist if you’re a great listener.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

Are you looking for a best friend who understands every nuance of your personality, shares all your interests, and magically gets you within five minutes? While it’s great to want meaningful connections, setting the bar sky-high can lead to disappointment. It’s unrealistic to expect every casual friend to become your emotional soulmate.

What You Can Do:

Start small. Friendships often grow from tiny moments of connection. Instead of putting pressure on a new acquaintance to be your ultimate confidant, focus on building rapport over time. Great friendships are usually built in layers, not forged instantly.

5. Not Prioritizing Social Time

Life is busy – we get it. Between work, family obligations, and personal routines, building friendships can easily slide to the bottom of your to-do list. However, if you’re not carving out time to be social, you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to meet new people or deepen existing bonds.

What You Can Do:

Schedule it like you would an important meeting. Whether that’s agreeing to grab coffee with a coworker or joining a weekly meetup group, make socializing a regular part of your week. Consistency is often the foundation for lasting friendships.

6. Difficulty Trusting Others

If you’ve been burned in the past by toxic relationships, it’s natural to feel hesitant about letting new people in. But keeping your guard up all the time can also keep you isolated. Friendships require a give-and-take of sharing and vulnerability, and if you’re constantly holding back, it may be hard for others to feel connected to you.

What You Can Do:

Take baby steps. Start by sharing small, low-stakes details about yourself, like your favorite childhood TV show or what kind of music you love. Building trust doesn’t have to happen all at once. Give people a chance, and they might surprise you.

7. Being Overly Self-Critical

Nobody likes to hang out with someone who constantly insults themselves or downplays their accomplishments. If you’re in the habit of bad-mouthing yourself, you might feel like you’re just being honest, but others might find it exhausting or awkward to hear you constantly tear yourself down.

What You Can Do:

Practice self-compassion. Instead of obsessing over your flaws, focus on your strengths. Maybe you’re incredibly thoughtful or hilariously funny. Remind yourself that you bring value to relationships just by being who you are.

8. Not Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

If you stick to the same routines, the same places, and the same group of people you always see, it’s going to be tough to meet new friends. Sure, staying in your comfort zone feels cozy and safe, but it also drastically limits your opportunities to connect with others.

What You Can Do:

Push yourself to try something new. Attend a workshop or event, volunteer, or join a sports league. Even if the activity itself feels daunting at first, it creates natural opportunities to meet people with similar interests. And remember, every stranger you meet was once a stranger to someone else.

Making friends as an adult can feel like a puzzle, but once you start identifying the missing pieces, it becomes a lot easier to put things together.